Ever notice how the angrier you get, the harder things get?
I started yesterday with an angry mentality.
Then I went out to lunch, had two glasses of wine, and while the buzz was nice, I slammed back to reality with an even angrier mentality.
I wrote for about 30 minutes but couldn't snap myself out of it.
Things just spiraled from there.
I bought an e-book I ended up being unhappy with.
I tried to implement some of the things in the e-book and ended up getting locked out of an account I needed to work in.
I ended up getting snippy with my boyfriend soon after, and leaving our apartment for the solace of a coffee shop where I was also annoyed (especially at the fact that I'd forgotten a pen - hah!).
All of it made me realize that the angrier you get, the worse things get around you.
Because the angrier I got, the more things stopped working, including technology.
I was not in alignment with love.
I was FAR outside of it in fact. Like out in the badlands somewhere, where the only thing I even COULD realize was that the angrier I got, the worse things got.
I decided to stand up and pick my accountability up off the floor.
Sometimes you just have to realize that your thoughts and mentality are responsible for everything. Click to tweet.
The universe was truly only responding to what I was telling it: this is bad, this is bad, this is bad.
And who could I blame but myself?
I truly had been pledging to fear that entire time.
Fear that I was messy, disorganized, incapable of carving out a decent system for my many online projects.
Fear that I would never get to where I wanted to be because time was running out and I was not working fast enough OR hard enough.
The funny thing is, once you realize you are living in fear, pledging to fear, and treating it like a god, you're able to see through it a little bit. Because you're able to step away from it.
It's a bit like a gauze that was once really thick around your eyes but is now a little transparent.
I started to breathe a little easier, knowing that before I had been pledging to a false god.
I was more able to come out of my loveless, downward spiral by seeing the fear for what it was, and calling it by its name.
I decided to forgive myself, and let God know I wanted to try again. And He always lets us try again. He holds a giant, forever reset button for us to push any time we need to reset, to realign.
And I'm not going to lie, I felt better.
It was hard at the start of course, because when you're in that loveless spiral, you do everything you can to stay there because it feels good somehow, even though it feels bad.
But now, writing this dispatch to you guys, with the big 'Return to Love' logo at the top, in addition to everything else...well it's returned me to love.
And it's my hope that this dispatch will help pull you out of whatever funk you're currently in, or might be in down the line.
My best advice would be to recognize that there are only two true emotions in this world: fear and love. Everything outside of it leads back to it in some form or another.
So if you're ever upset, try asking yourself what you're afraid of.
And start noticing that you're praying to a false god.
You'll start to see how unforgiving it is, how false, how completely relentless and determined it is in turning you into a psychotic person with no respect for anything or anyone.
And that is not your true self. That is something you can choose not to do at any time, and the universe will respond lovingly.
It reminds me of a quote by Marianne Williamson: "Pain is the ego's peak experience."
Don't let the false god win.
Sending you more love than you can handle,